Friday, September 28, 2012

Don't judge

As mothers we all share a very special secret bond, we carried a beautiful baby, we gave birth, be it naturally or with help, we got to hear that first cry and hold that little miracle in our arms which we'd carried inside us. I am of the belief that as mums we're all in this together, we should help and encourage each other and not judge the way others have chosen to parent their child. After all we're all just trying to do what we believe is best for our family.

Unfortunately in the society we live in with all the different parenting styles, social media and the pressure's to be the "perfect mum", some mothers do judge, and after what we've all achieved i find this really upsetting.
 
A few weeks ago i was extremely sleep deprived, i was demand feeding River which meant for my big baby feeding him every hour or two, for and hour or two, all day and all night, it got me wondering if there was a better way.  After reaching out to some other mums, they recommended the book 'Save our Sleep' by Tizzy Hall. Its a book basically about routines for babies and toddlers and part of the routine at the beginning is controlled comforting. It's slightly different to controlled crying, wherein controlled crying you leave the baby and go in for a minute or two when the crying gets to much and then go out again. With controlled comforting when the crying gets to much, you go in and sit with the baby for about 20 mins and most of the time they fall asleep. The book encourages you to listen to your baby and figure out why they are crying. For me this was the greatest skill i could have learnt. The first night I tried controlled comforting I lasted about 10 mins, went in and topped River up and he went straight to sleep, that night he slept for 5 hours, the longest he had ever slept. The next night he cried again i let him go for a little bit longer but i still couldn't help myself, i topped him up and he went straight to sleep. The next night he had a good feed and i put him down at 7 and that was it, not a peep. It got me thinking the cries i was hearing the nights before were probably his hungry cries, so i then knew if i heard those cries i would top him up and he would go off to sleep and so far so good. With the routine it also spread out his feeds which was great, instead of River demand feeding and just snacking all the time he was now having a proper feed.

This method worked for me and my family, River now sleeps for at least a 6hr stretch at night and for the last week he's even started sleeping right through. I'm happier, River's happier and Jamie's happier because he can see we are.

About a week into trying this new routine i read some comments made by another mum about controlled comforting. The way these comments were delivered threw me a little and left me feeling upset, and made me question whether what i was doing was the right thing. It made me feel like what i was doing was horrible and how could i leave my child to cry in a room. It took all i could to leave my baby crying, but i was so sleep deprived i was willing to try anything, and after only a couple of nights of listening to River cry it worked and he now knows when bedtime is and goes to sleep with a smile.

The comments made by this mum in regards to controlled comforting were her opinion and she is definitely entitled to her opinion, however, the way it came across was sarcastic and judgemental. Controlled comforting may not be a path this mum would like to take in parenting her child, however i don't believe these comments should make another mother (me) doubt her choice or feel bad about the decision made, when parenting alone is already hard enough.

Another example of judging i was shocked to hear about is how mums can behave at school. I was talking to a girlfriend yesterday at a BBQ and she has just finished her primary school teaching degree (congrats Patty) and she was telling me how judgemental the mums at school can be. She told me one incident were one mum said loudly in the class "finally that child isn't crying today", the mother of said child heard this comment and became quite upset. After hearing this story, i just thought how can mums be like that, we all have kids, we know they cry and can be fussy, why pass judgement and make that mum feel like she's anything but a great mum.

When i found out i was going to be a mum, my partner and i briefly discussed how we would like to parent our child and we both agreed all we wanted to be was good parents, if we could raise a compassionate, happy, confident and well adjusted human being our job would be done.

Being a mum in today's modern world is hard, every man and his dog has an opinion on how you should bring up your child. Whether you're an attachment parent who co sleeps with your child or perhaps an instinctive parent someone who just goes with their gut, or maybe even an authoritative parent who likes rules and regulations, it doesn't matter, we're all trying to achieve the same goal at the end of the day and thats to bring up our beautiful children the best we know how.



Don't judge man!

If you enjoyed my blog, check out my face book page, Love and Late Nights Mumma where like minded mums come to share and discuss the good the bad and the ugly of motherhood!


Thursday, September 27, 2012

I wonder

I wonder if River knows i'm the one who wakes him up in the morning?
I wonder if River knows i'm the one who feeds him every day?
I wonder if River knows i'm the one who spends the day with him?
I wonder if River feels a special bond with me like i feel with him?
I wonder if when i hold River he feels safe and happy?
I wonder if River can feel how much i love him?



If you enjoyed my blog, check out my face book page, Love and Late Nights Mumma where like minded mums come to share and discuss the good the bad and the ugly of motherhood!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Soul Mate

Yesterday was a very special day.

It was a special day not only because it was my amazing nan's 81st birthday but it was also nan and pop's 60th wedding anniversary. 60 years ago on nan's 21st birthday they married, so beautiful.

I read the card which nan had written to pop, the first line read, "to my soul mate". Tears welled up immediately.  As i read on i was overwhelmed with the love that my nan still has for my pop after 60 years of marriage.

"Thank you for being my husband, thank you for being my lover, thank you for being my friend"- Nan

Nan and pop met on a train over 60 years ago, nan was engaged to someone else. Pop said to me yesterday, "imagine if i decided to go the other way on the train that day, i would never have met your nan". However fate was working its magic that day, and they did meet, and are still together and happy 60 years later.

Their marriage is such an achievement and inspiration to me. I know i've found my soul mate, we now share a beautiful baby boy together and i look forward to celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary together one day.

"I love you as much today as i did 60 years ago, when you stole my heart away" - Nan

60 years married
River man and pop
River man with nan & pop
River man and nan
If you enjoyed my blog, check out my face book page, Love and Late Nights Mumma where like minded mums come to share and discuss the good the bad and the ugly of motherhood!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Sharp little claws

When River man was born his little nails were like razors. He lived in his mitts for about the first 6 weeks.

At the beginning we were a bit scared of cutting his nails, his little fingers were so tiny and precious but it had to be done. We got some of those tiny little nail clippers and Jamie gave it a go. Very delicately jamie moved from finger to finger and after about 20mins of precision clipping he finished.

It seems as though only days later his little nails had grown again, i could feel him clawing me on my boob while i was feeding him. On went the mittens again.

Like i said he had the mittens on pretty much for the first 6 weeks but after that his little hands were starting to get to big for the mittens and he had his fists shut all the time. So we ditched the mittens and just tried to keep on top of clipping his nails.

No matter how we clip or file his nails, there is always a sharp little edge and he scratches himself. He woke up this morning with his arms wiggled out of his swaddle (again) and he has 2 scratched on his face and Jamie only trimmed and tried to file his nails 2 days ago.

River man getting a manicure
Does anyone have any tips on how to tame his little claws? Or do they make big mittens? his wee hands are so big now.



If you enjoyed my blog, check out my face book page, Love and Late Nights Mumma where like minded mums come to share and discuss the good the bad and the ugly of motherhood!
River's little scratched face this morning :-(

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Favourtie boobie

So it's official River man has a favourite boob, i don't really understand it and i find it just a little bit frustrating.


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Lunch date

River and I had a lovely lunch date today with the girls from work. River man got to meet his first friends Star and Olivia and i got to enjoy my first steak since being pregnant.

While i was pregnant i couldn't stand steak, any other meat was fine, but steak, forget about it. Towards the end of my pregnancy Jamie and I went out for dinner and i had a craving for steak so i thought i'd give it a go, as soon as it hit my lips i wanted to gag, it was not going to happen.

Today however that steak went down a treat, every mouthful was a little piece of juicy heaven.

Was there anything you used to love before being pregnant then absolutely couldn't stand when you were with child?


If you enjoyed my blog, check out my face book page, Love and Late Nights Mumma where like minded mums come to share and discuss the good the bad and the ugly of motherhood!


River man meeting star
River man meeting Olivia
Some of the gang from work

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Cluster feeds

Cluster feeding, just another thing i didn't know about.


The first time River had a cluster feed he was a couple of weeks old and i thought, "oh my god, what have i got myself into". He fed on and off for about 6hrs, the tears where flowing and i was exhausted, I looked at Jamie and said "how am i supposed to do this all the time?"and "What am i doing wrong?". I gave him over to Jamie after the 6th hour and hoped he could get him to sleep, he lay on Jamie's chest while Jamie gently rocked him and eventually he nodded off while I lay there and quietly sobbed.

The next morning i googled, baby feeding for a long time and up popped cluster feeding, i had a read and it sounded exactly like what i had just experienced. Here's a little snip it on cluster feeding from a great website called Kelly Mom, which you can access through this link http://kellymom.com/



Cluster feeding, also called bunch feeding, is when babies space feeding closer together at certain times of the day and go longer between feedings at other times. This is very common, and often occurs in the evenings. It’s often -but not always- followed by a longer sleep period than usual: baby may be “tanking up” before a long sleep. For example, your baby may nurse every hour (or even constantly) between 6 and 10 PM, then have a longish stretch of sleep at night – baby may even sleep all night.
Cluster feeding often coincides with your baby’s fussy time. Baby will nurse a few minutes, pull off, fuss/cry, nurse a few minutes, pull off, fuss/cry… on and on… for hours. This can be VERY frustrating, and mom starts wondering if baby is getting enough milk, if something she is eatingis bothering baby, if EVERYTHING she is doing is bothering baby… It can really ruin your confidence, particularly if there is someone else around asking the same questions (your mother, your husband, your mother-in-law).
This behavior is NORMAL! It has nothing to do with your breastmilk or your mothering. If baby is happy the rest of the day, and baby doesn’t seem to be in pain (as with colic) during the fussy time – just keep trying to soothe your baby and don’t beat yourself up about the cause. Let baby nurse as long and as often as he will. Recruit dad (or another helper) to bring you food/drink and fetch things (book/remote/phone/etc.) while you are nursing and holding baby.

I wasn't so lucky the first time to have River sleep for a longer period of time, he woke up after about 2.5hrs. However the second night he cluster fed again and he slept for about 5hrs. The second night although it was still frustrating and upsetting at times at least i new what was going on. I wish i had known about cluster feeding earlier, it would have saved some of the tears and doubt that i was having in my ability to feed my baby. 
Have you experienced cluster feeding?



If you enjoyed my blog, check out my face book page, Love and Late Nights Mumma where like minded mums come to share and discuss the good the bad and the ugly of motherhood!