I had a feeling something weird was going on with my body for about a week or so, i was extremely tired and my boobs were huge! But Melbourne Cup was in a couple of days at the turf club so i had bigger things to worry about like finding a dress and a hat that would fit my tiny head.
Melbourne Cup rolled around and i couldn't shake the feeling that maybe i could be pregnant. I confided in my housemate and my best friend at the time and they both asked me what i would do and i honestly didn't know. A part of me thought i couldn't possibly be ready to be a mother and the other part thought i couldn't possibly get rid of this life growing inside me. I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind and forgot about it, it was Melbourne Cup a day not generally enjoyed by pregnant women.
We went out enjoyed the day and had way to much to drink. I woke up the next morning early at about 6, i felt sick, not so much hungover but sick with guilt like i new in my heart of hearts that i was pregnant but i went out and got wasted anyway. It was time to find out once and for all. I was at the chemist 10 min before it opened, they were the longest 10 min of my life. The chemist assistant arrived and opened up, i walked in and headed to where the pregnancy tests were and grabbed one of the shelf. As i was walking up to pay i couldn't help but feel embarrassed and a little ashamed i felt like the shop assistant was judging me or maybe i was just judging myself. I had always imagined the day i found out i was pregnant would be one of pure joy and happiness i'd tell my husband and we'd cry tears of joy, but it wasn't like that.
I got home went straight to the toilet, peed on the stick and waited. One line then two lines....i was pregnant. All i could do was say "oh my god" i repeated this phrase about 50 times while my room mate instructed me to sit down. I called my sister she came over a little while later and we went back to the chemist to get another test just to be sure. One line, two lines i was definitely in the family way.
Now as if finding out you're pregnant isn't enough of an emotional roller coaster, over the previous few weeks my beautiful grandmother had been battling cancer and on this day, the day i found out i was pregnant she lost her battle. Just after doing my second test i got a call from my dad with the news. I raced around to mum and dads holding this secret and consoled my dad who had just lost his mum.
My partner came around to my parents house after he finished work. We stayed with my mum and dad for a while then went home. We got back to my house, i'd asked my housemate to go to her mums for a bit so i could talk to Jamie. Jamie had just sat down on the couch about to switch on frozen animal planet when i told him i had to talk to him, i sat next to him not knowing how he was going to react or how i was going to say those words. My face broke into a nervous smile and i mumbled i'm pregnant. Jamie looked at me and laughed he was almost relieved, he thought i was going to tell him i had played up at the races. I laughed to and i felt such a sense of relief. We sat for a while and talked. Jamie and i had been together for just over 5years but had a break in this time and we had only been back together about 6 months. I new i loved Jamie and i new one day i wanted to have kids, but was this the right time? should we work on our relationship more? after a lengthy discussion the pro's far out weighed the con's and we decided we were going to have a baby. Jamie was so supportive and almost more excited then me.
The next 9 months would be a crazy mix of highs and lows that all ended with a beautiful, healthy 10lbs 3oz bouncing baby boy. My life has changed for the better and i'm loving every minute.
If you enjoyed my blog, check out my face book page, Love and Late Nights Mumma where like minded mums come to share and discuss the good the bad and the ugly of motherhood!
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